Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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