he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
