Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
