The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
