By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Congratulations! We have a period
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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