Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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