There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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