in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
