I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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