i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
