and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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