I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
