I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
