More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
