party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I faked an abortion last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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