I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
