I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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