i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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