We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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