just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
