you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
