And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you still have your period?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
