Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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