I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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