I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
