when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
