Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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