dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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