literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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