Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
