So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you made out with another girl for some wings
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
