Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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