yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
