put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
