He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
