MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
