you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
