i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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