I didn't shave. On purpose
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I fill condoms, not promises.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
