My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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