you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
