Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
