2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Randomize
