You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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