What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
