Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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