i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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