her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
