Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Fuck appropriateness.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
