theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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