How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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